Regina Jackson and Saira Rao engage White women in conversations about race and White women’s roles in sustaining white supremacy. White supremacy, as defined by the Associated Press is, “The racist belief that Whites are superior to justify political, economic and social suppression of nonwhite people and other minority groups.”
What happens when you bring together a group of well-intentioned White women for dinner with the explicit goal of calling out their role in maintaining white supremacy? This is not a hypothetical question or an SNL sketch, but the premise of a local business. Regina Jackson and Saira Rao formally established Race 2 Dinner earlier this year, and have hosted 8-10 dinners around the metro area. Jackson, who is African American, grew up in an era when white supremacy was still codified. Rao, of Indian parentage, is a former candidate for the U.S. House who came to her awakening a little later in life, after her halcyon Laura-Ashley-and-pearls-days at the University of Virginia.
“White women get pissed off if your yoga instructor is five minutes late—you’re mad as hell. But if a Black kid is killed by a police officer, you’re not mad as hell. So you have to start looking at yourselves in the mirror, about how you spend money…look at who you hang out with,” says Rao. Photos by Becca Miles
“Making white women comfortable isn’t our goal,” declares the Race 2 Dinner website, which employs the standard lowercase (in contrast to this paper’s in-house preference for uppercase when referring to an individual or a group). In fact, the opposite is true: discomfort is the objective. Jackson and Rao seek to raise awareness among White women about “how you’ve caused us harm,” as a first step in dismantling white supremacy, “a system that’s killing us all.” And why women? That answer emerges when Jackson states with a knowing smile, “If White men were going to change anything, they would have done it already.”
There is no seat for white fragility at this elegantly set dinner table on a Saturday night in the community still known as Stapleton. Ten well-educated, well-read, progressive White women sit with Rao and Jackson. Many are already engaged in social justice and/or racial justice work, but concede that missteps still occur. Terrell Curtis is at the dinner so she can continue in her work with a local nonprofit, and reflects on her poor word choice with a coworker months before that had nagged at her; “it didn’t matter what my intentions were; it landed for her the way it did because of her experience as a Black woman.”
In preparation for the evening, Curtis and the others have read Robin DiAngelo’s bestselling White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism. The White women have pledged among themselves not to behave with defensive behaviors or tears. “For people of color, our [White people’s] tears demonstrate our racial insulation and privilege,” writes DiAngelo.
There will be no tears at dinner, and no overt anger, fear, or expressions of guilt—other behaviors DiAngelo warns of. But there will not be a lot of dialogue, either. Rao and Jackson hold court for two hours, touching on a range of topics. The White women absorb their stories, pain, anger, and sweeping generalizations about White women.
“You guys are the biggest hypocrites on the planet. You could have shut down the entire operation after Sandy Hook and all you do is hashtag and wear pink pussy hats and safety pins. It’s not the NRA that’s responsible for this; it’s you all: White women could have shut down the entire operation after Sandy Hook, and you have chosen not to,” says Rao, who is strident as she assails White women for their complicity in everything from U.S. gun culture to the rape of enslaved women in the antebellum era. “Why do you consciously choose your race over your gender?” Rao questions the group.
Occasionally, there’s a space for the White women to respond, but on the evening in question, the medium seems to form an essential part of the message. This dinner table topples social norms that privilege White voices and experiences, where stereotypes about people of color inform everything from the quality of healthcare received to how people treat a teenager in a hoodie or a ski mask. During a phone debrief a few days later, a number of the White women share that they would have welcomed more of a back and forth in the conversation.
The entire evening is, in fact, a study in one of the paradoxes DiAngelo observes: White people feel confident in their opinions on racism, though most live their lives in segregation. Race 2 Dinner jettisons the customary barriers of politeness, privilege, status and race that insulate White people from race-based stress, forcing them to experience the micro-aggressions and gross generalizations that people of color daily navigate. Dinner guest Becca Miles reflects on the dinner a few days later, observing “It’s completely unique to hear people of color’s raw and unfiltered views on race in such an intimate setting.” Taking part in a Race 2 Dinner “is not a first step,” says Miles; however, “it is important context for those engaged in anti-racism work.”
Neither Rao nor Jackson sugarcoat their messages. Jackson, who possesses a regal and serene presence, speaks less, and seems more deliberate in her words than Rao; however, her message is no more palatable. For much of the evening, her surface calm stands in sharp contrast to Rao’s more aggressive stance. But when she relates an anecdote from a run-in at a grocery store earlier in the week, she conveys the urgency of the racial justice work she is engaged in. While waiting in line for customer service at a King Soopers, Jackson observed an older White woman refuse to cede the way when it was time for a “teeny Latina” to be helped. “When people are oppressed they are afraid to use their voices,” says Jackson. So Jackson interceded on her behalf, nicely asking the White woman to move her cart so the Latina could pass to the counter. “And who’s gonna make me?” the White woman asked. The situation escalated to include some expletives (Jackson) and an aggressive use of a shopping cart (White woman), and King Soopers security.
Ironically, the petite Latina disappears entirely from Jackson’s narrative; however, Jackson’s point is clear: “There were three White people there…. Nobody said a word; I don’t know if it’s lack of courage or fear of losing your White card, but you guys have to call out hate and racism and injustice when you see it. Publicly.”
“Do you see our liberation tied to yours?” Rao asks a dinner guest, who has just shared that the more she speaks out publicly on racial justice issues, the more she is reprimanded by her family and her community. She exhorts the women at the table to engage in a more meaningful way both in the real world and on social media, pointing out, for example, that it is inadequate to “like” posts a person of color has poured their emotional labor into; as in the real world, White women working on equity and racial justice must be willing to take a risk and put themselves on the line. “Stop being afraid of not being liked,” says Rao. Jackson adds, “Publicly make a statement….What you’re not changing, you’re choosing.”
The evening ends with a call to action, and some specific steps White women need to take. Some of these are simple, like reaching out to the one individual or family of color at a school event, or inviting one of your child’s nonwhite classmates over for a playdate. “Stop writing checks to yourselves….take all that money and do a little bit of research and find Black and Brown women candidates, women companies, women documentarians, nonprofits, and businesses…give us the money and we will make sure that all boats rise,” says Rao.
*Please note that the quotation marks in the title of this piece are not air quotes. The editor here was quoting Rao and Jackson.
I am so grateful for Regina Jackson and Saira Rao, and the courageous, difficult, important work they do. I think Race2Dinner is incredibly creative and meaningful. For the people who get so triggered and angry with Saira Rao’s words, maybe take a deep look within yourselves to figure out why? Are you afraid of losing something, of feeling bad about yourselves, or are you just angry that she’s making you think about and confront difficult issues? Not everything needs to be candy-coated in life. And we do need to listen more to one another. Usually when someone becomes defensive and angry about something, it means they need to deal with an aspect of it within themselves. Thank you Regina Jackson and Saira Rao for sharing your truths/voices. I very much appreciate it.
Saira Rao is naive to think she can hate shame the racism out of people. Clearly, it makes her feel better about herself, but she is, if anything, hurting the cause of eliminating racism with the tone and amount of sheer hatred toward whites that she spews daily on Twitter. She might want to read some Gandhi or MLK. “Hate cannot drive out hate” and all. Until then, I wish her some peace from her privileged, virtue-signaling state of anger. Clearly she is need of some.
I was disappointed to read about the “Race To Dinners” business last month. I would describe them as “shaming dinners”. They are designed to deeply shame “white women,” but I will turn that around and say shame on Saira Rao and her accomplice. Ms. Rao, a light-skinned, privileged, Indian American who self-identifies as “brown,” has taken it upon herself in the last 2 years to degrade and shame every “white” person she talks to or about. Instead of intelligently considering constructive feedback of of her belligerent behavior and speech, she reflexively calls it more racism!
Reminder: there is no race gene in the human genome; each human being lies somewhere along the broad spectrums of skin color and other physical characteristics. Thus her gross generalizations about “all whites” and “all blacks” and “all Asians” are so distorted, they would be laughable it not so injurious to fellow humans. Yes, racism exists in our society, including much implicit and institutional bias, and it behooves each of us to self-reflect and correct our behavior, language and attitudes when found to be inconsistent with values of equality and justice that we may also hold.
As a johnny-come-lately to racism work, it is sad that Ms. Rao (and business partner) have now decided to personally profit from dinners she arranges, at which she “holds court” (reporter’s words) and declines dialogue with attendees (per attendees’ comments to the writer of the article) while pontificating about “white women” as the enemy. Having worked against racism and sexism since before she was born, I understand that their experiential method is to have “white” attendees personally experience the type of micro-aggression and stereotyping that minorities frequently are subject to. But spewing accusations, characterizations and assumptions to strangers over dinner is not only a form of reverse racism, it is hardly an appropriate way to encourage enlightenment! (not to speak of what it might do to recipients’ digestion!) If “the medium is the message” in this business model, I seriously doubt this medium will work, and I urge no other woman to subject herself to this business’s “shaming dinners.”
“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
Mahatma Gandhi
These two have been laughed off of Facebook for their insanity and their twitter feeds are nothing but racist hate mongering.
Thank you Martina Will for a thought-provoking article.that caused me to think outside my comfort zone. I love our community newspaper moving from the sweet-little-bit-of-fluff stories, to happenings of importance within our community. Well done.
Regarding, “Ironically, the petite Latina disappears entirely from Jackson’s narrative; however, Jackson’s point is clear: ‘There were three White people there…. Nobody said a word; I don’t know if it’s lack of courage or fear of losing your White card, but you guys have to call out hate and racism and injustice when you see it. Publicly.'”
I ask, where is the irony? The “petite” woman is not the problem, nor to be glorified, objectified, or “saved.” Silence of those that could stop a wrong is on the other hand, the norm, and extremely problematic. So of course she “disappears” from this particular problem solving narrative.
Far too often, response to persecution of others centers on the victims, to the point where it bewilders many of us when that doesn’t happen.
I appreciate what you are saying, and agree with its essence. Given the current political climate and fear many Latinx people are experiencing, I found her lack of consent to being “saved” noteworthy and her disappearance from the story telling. But you are correct that the anecdote is not about her.
I appreciate you considering my feedback in the spirit it was given. There is a certainly a fine line between prudent wrathful action and “saviorism,” or in my case, what might be interpreted as chivalry. That said, the harm being done is grave, and being done to many more people than just the person in line, and if far more people exercise the courage to practice getting the calculation right, I think we’ll all be better off for it. The effects of inaction hurt us all.
Just so you all are clear, the woman DID take the time to thank me and tell me that it was ok. And, now that I think about it, it was probably part of the job of the cashier to ask the woman to move her cart.
Hi Regina, thanks. And thanks for your assertiveness in helping the woman!
Martina, I think consent need not be so tricky. Somebody being eaten by sharks is not likely to care about one’s intellectual understanding of the difference between giving consent to be eaten and consent for intervention. It’s the not noticing the sharks, and/or expecting something in return for intervention that gets a lot of folks in trouble.
Respect the hustle….
Saira Rao tweets about things like how white people don’t wash their butts and WW(white women) = “ew” – stop promoting this privileged multimillionaire racist. It’s a joke that she is appropriating some real experiences of SOME marginalized communities for profit.
Also “Laura Ashley and Pearls” just shows how out of touch she is with the reality of the common white (or brown) woman, as most of us couldn’t afford Laura Ashley back when it was popular. That’s akin to her out-of-touch tweets flung at ALL white women about having maids and nannies. It’s far more likely that she and her neighbors in her multimillion dollar neighborhood have those things than most white women do – it’s also far more like that back in her land of ancestral origin, her high (ruling) caste ancestors and modern day relatives had/have swarms of underpaid low caste servants than any white person’s ancestors owned a slave or has had swarms of servants.
There are regular lynchings carried out in India to this day of “dalit’ people. A recent notorious one by a man with Saira’s same surname against his own son-in-law. Africans living in India for schooling run the risk of being attacked by mobs (attempted lynchings) for nothing, while Saira continues her barrage of “all white people are racist, only whites are racist” mantra. A good number of her vocal followers are out and out anti white agitators who call white people “cave dwellers” and even attack white parents of non-white kids.
I have screen shots of all of her most disgusting tweets if you’d like to do a follow up on THAT.
Before publications such as your own promote people like this you should ask yourself this – if “anti-racism” work is a business that makes people money, what interest do they actually have in ending racism? It is more profitable for them to keep it alive and kicking.
Thank you for your comments. Rao is a very polemical figure, certainly. We felt, however, that this was an interesting event and a unique approach to exploring important issues that are not frequently centered in our current discourse, but relegated to the sidelines.
All anti-racism work and benefits to all races and especially to white women, has come on the back of Black people. So, save your words for some other time. Saira fully acknowledges that she and, all Asians are anti-Black. All Black people KNOW that, it isn’t news to us that everyone believes themselves to be above us. If you are not actively fighting racism like Saira is everyday including her stance on India then keep your opinions to yourself as, you are part of the problem. NO ONE gets to rest in this environment.
I realize that your comment is from over there years ago but I am curious about your response to Ms. Jackson’s reply, if you have on